In my most recent sorting and purging I came back to sorting photographs. I’d done a lot some time ago, getting rid of so many, taken the old fashioned way and saved over the years. I got tough and got rid of many that were not clear, duplicates that no one else I know presently would want, and those of mere acquaintances I no longer know. I’d say I got rid of more than I kept. I’d gotten to a point of sorting what I had left, wanting to share some with family. I didn’t need to keep all of them to myself.
I came to a standstill, where it just got to be too much, overwhelming, and I had to put them aside. I thought I was going to have to start over, but as I felt to return and began, with renewed energy and readiness to complete this task, I realized all was not lost; I could continue where I’d left off, still doing a double check, as feelings change… So much easier than starting over.
I’ve divided some for my sons, in containers, for if and when they would like to have them, as well as pulling some out for their dad and my brother and nieces, considering who’s in them… who they most relate to.
When I left my former husband I took all family pictures. I wasn’t sure what to do with two large framed ones that were professionally taken, of all of us together. Do I destroy them? This didn’t sit well, so No. I gave them to my sons when they shared a home for awhile. They sat on the floor so I could see they weren’t that interested, so I brought them back to my home and put them in a closet. They have time to choose. There is a montage of photos I finally chose to put out, of them when they were little, with their father in one, alongside me and one of them… along with a childhood photo of him and his siblings to match the one of mine. I chose to look at the wHOLe.Y story, not just the end… which really wasn’t so horrible either. It just was… the end of a chapter.
I loved this man as best as I knew how, and still do, always will. It’s just changed. I changed mostly… our paths diverging. I know he loved me the best he knew how, and still does in his way; now in another relationship. I don’t want to negate any part of my life, try to delete it from my memory… instead honouring and acknowledging it wHOLe.Y. It isn’t in my Nature to only look at things as good or bad. It’s All been a Gift, purpose-full, and beauty-full… filled with joys and sorrows… lessons, experiences… All fertilizer for our growing… including the two a-maze-sing Beings we helped create and bring into this world.
I know, in a new love/life partnership, if and when I am blessed to receive, this Divine Being will appreciate, even agree whole heartedly with my feelings, and be comfortable in his own Self in having this particular photograph out in the open, as well as keeping my wedding photos and looking at them sometimes, along with others… as I will similarly for him. This was a major portion of my Life, my book, and I will not push it aside, try to diminish it in any way. It’s an integral part of who I Am, Now, and growing to Be.
I well realize compromise will always be a part of any relationship, as long as we’re not compromising our integrity. I’ve had to real-eyes more greatfully and get grounded in what that feels to Be, for Me. I know I need someone who is as invested in honouring and acknowledging his wHOLe.Y Self, as I am, as well as the desire to get to know one another on a multidimensional level… the stories, adventures, experiences, joys, sorrows, challenges, fertilizer, that have been integral to who we are Now. We also need to be in alignment with our core belief system. There’s no compromise on this one. I’ve already been down that road.
In this gift of time on my own and through looking back… to this significant relationship, time in my life (31.5 years), along with a very short, quite opposite connection, I’ve gained a lot of insight as to what it is I desire, need and deserve in an intimate partnership. I’ve been getting to know My wHOLe.Y Self, Falling in Love with Me, as I Am, as I’ve always been and will Be, scars and all… Getting grounded in My Self.
Though I’m now tired of being on my own, greatfull for all its given me, I know I want and deserve more, also knowing I can’t settle, just for the sake of not being alone. Patience is something I am allowing myself to master… and by my Divine Nature on a cosmic level, I don’t really have a choice, lol. If the law of attraction were completely true, I would be with at least one of a few of my crushes from grade school and on. I would sing Blondie’s ‘The Tide is High’ over and over and write in my diary about one particularly long crush… feeling we would be together one day. Thank Nature for knowing what’s best. <3.
I could try fighting it if I choose. I’ve learned through my experiences, and observing other relationships, this would cause more challenges than they’re worth. Trusting through the challenges that All is for the Best, by Divine Nature… Nature-ally. I focus on just Being, remaining open, allowing, letting go of whatever I feel is time to let go of, to make room for what fits me better Now… knowing All is ever changing, cyclic-all, and not to be overly attached to any of it.
From my perspective experience is a very valuable asset. In trying to forget the past… push it down, not look at it, face it… we do our Self and All a disservice. In sharing, also understanding the value of ones experiencing first hand, since each of us is unique, we have a far greater opportunity in knowing and understanding our wHOLe.Y Sense-sation-all Divine Nature more Greatfully… inside, outside, upside, down.isnt that why we’re here? To remember?
Blessings of Nature’s Infinite WELLth
Love, Momma K ❤
*If anyone wishes to connect with me for any reason, just click on ‘Love, Momma K’ in the menu. Have a BeYOUtFull day. ❤