This is a pivotal time of year for me, as I’ve shared in past blogs. I’ve moved into new homes 3 times on August 1… 1996, 2003 and 2014… 22, 15, and 4 years ago. I have a thing for numbers ; My sister also made a move, transitioning from her earthly in-body-meant as we knew it, on this day in 2009, 9 years ago. ❤ One of the first blogs I wrote, four years ago, was in her memory. I’ve also been divorced now for 3 years. Hard to believe it’s been that long. If I liked to gamble I thought these might make great 649 numbers to play. ; I wasn’t sure what the 6th could be… Maybe 8, for ‘Strength’ and the infinity symbol tattooed on my arms; 8 being the number of the Strength card in Tarot. I got it this time last year.
Today I’m feeling to share about my present home, where I am right now. When I came to this home I knew this is where I was meant to Be, as did my BF who was with me. I could practically hear angels singing. I definitely felt them. We had four houses scheduled to see that day, this being the last. It was the one I was drawn to most, a view of the lake, a forest in the backyard, just a little above what I was hoping to spend. I was looking for a healing space, to share in healing… originally called Dragonfly Healing Space.
It has been just that, just not in any way I’d pictured. I didn’t see greatfully, realize (real-eyes), just how much allowing, space, time, patience, and radical trust I would need to real-eyes… for my Self and this structure, shelter, I call A Piece of Heaven, labeled as such on my google map. ❤
There have been others come and go, whether in need of somewhere to stay a short time and/or help with renovating; each one giving and receiving in some way, in healing; with challenges, lessons, fertilizer, growing. It just hasn’t been in any concrete way of offering my services in facilitating healing, in receiving monetary remuneration, as I’d expected. I see though, that I have received so much more… far more valuable, that money just can’t buy… Gifts of experience, and Time.
In living on my own for the most part of these four plus years I’ve really appreciated it, for the most part… doing whatever I want… not beholden to anyone else. I realized recently I wished for this, as I shared in my blog ‘Wisdom at 17’, saying “why can’t everyone just leave me alone.” :p My turtle totem at it’s very best. ❤ I realize that up till this last few years I have never truly been on my own. I rented a space to myself for a little while before marrying my husband. I still wasn’t on my own entirely, spending a great deal of time with him, and my BF occupying the space right beside me for awhile …rooms with kitchenettes and a shared bathroom in a big old house. I never knew aloneness… Only loneliness.
This is the first time I have been soulely responsible for my Self and only My Self (other than my fur baby), and my gift of a home… not just the building made of a roof, strong foundation, walls, windows, floors, ceilings and doors… Also the home of my Being, my In-body-meant… of my Heart/Mind-Spirit/Soul… My Divine Nature within… my truly greatest gift and response-ability.
I haven’t always seen this time as a gift, expecting to have someone, a love partner, in my life by now. I have the gift of understanding who this is, though we can’t be together at this time, which takes a great deal of pressure off of ‘will I ever meet someone?’ It can be a double edged sword as well… in ‘why can’t we be together yet?’ …That radical patience and trust I’m real-eyes-sing within my Self, Being what I speak … He helps drive me, even though he isn’t present in my life right now, not in any concrete, visible way. I’ve had to acknowledge that he, too, has to Be-Live as he needs to… take his own Divine Time… for his own integrity, authenticity; and to acknowledge his Self/Being wHOLe.Y… as He Is. He’s had a far more challenging life, to extremes, from my perspective. He is an inspiration to me.
I’m not looking to be saved, rescued, or for some idea-illogical form of a ‘perfect’ relationship. I also realize we are, as Spiritual Beings, here for the Human experience, drawn, driven even, to connect, to be a part of a tribe, community, to work to-gather, combining forces… as co-creators. We are sex-you-all, co-creative Beings, as All Nature Is. It is in these connections that we truly grow.
I’ve had the opportunity to really take time and step back, to see/feel what I truly desire, want, need, to Be-Live… in integrity… authentic for Me. I know I like having a bed/room to myself, and quite possibly a small home, in the come-unity farm, nature retreat, I envision co-creating.
Each step I take I learn more about My Self, what I’m cape-able of, acknowledging all that I’ve accomplished already over my lifetime, so far, even though many would and have, my youngest son in particular, negate my contributions, my worth. My challenges with my complexion… complex-ion;… a gift in one sense of bringing me deeper into my Self (besides others), to literally Face My Being wHOLe.Y… As I Am… And To Love My Self wHOLe.Y… As I Am.
I left Facebook almost a year ago, as just one step I felt necessary in Being, more within; in letting go, moving away from extraneous, outside influences. I still needed some kind of outlet along with journaling, which, for me, has been the greatest saving grace. I chose LinkedIn for a more professional place to share. I don’t follow much or choose to connect with many. I feel if something is meant to be seen it will be, by whoever is drawn to it, my HeArt Work. Foremost it’s been a place to real-eyes what I’ve been doing all my life, like a resume, though very much ‘outside’ any ‘boxes’. Not that I believe we have to do or Be anything to know our Self wHOLe.Y. I also use YouTube as a great vision board and classroom.
I’ve also been doing a great deal of sorting and purging, thinking I’ve done all I can, yet digging even deeper each time; a process; like peeling through the layers, clearing the debris to see what’s most important, and making room/space for possibilities.
I’ve been tuning in to, real-eyes-sing, my Sense-sation-all Self, (sation means to sow, grow) more and more greatfully. I’ve come to understand we are All Sense-able, we just have to see… real-eyes… for our Self… Like Dorothy. Nothing beats personal experience, particularly since we are each unique, no two alike; so what works for one, feels best, fits, isn’t going to be wHOLe.Y true for another… only wHOLe.Y unto our Self.
From my perspective our sense-abilities are part and parcel to our Divine Nature… our inner knowing, gut feelings. I’ve real-eyes-d through my own experiences, in looking back, in just Being, allowing, and seeing/feeling forward, that I know exactly what I need to know, when I need to… always have, and always will. I am always exactly where I am supposed to be… All by my Divine Nature… As All Is. When we are ready, in our own Divine Time, to embrace it more greatfully, we will. Our journeys are all unique… still each and every Being integral and wHOLe.Y parts of the greater wHOLe.Y, Divine Nature… inside, outside, upside, down. All Perfect… By Nature.
If you haven’t noticed, I love to play with words… taking them apart and seeing them more wHOLe.Y, to-gather and a-part ;p I have been inspired by many Beings, directly or indirectly. Language changes and evolves, like everything, and we can lose sight of the roots, the foundations. Feeling like I give them new life.
In sharing my experiences, I am acknowledging the power of my voice, no less or more important than anyone else’s. I am giving voice to possibilities – to the Magic that I See, in part because I Choose to… a greatfull Power we All have, whenever we are ready to, to allow our Self acknowledgement, and accept personal response-ability for our Divine Nature. BeYOUtFULLY. Nature-ally. ❤
Blessings, in WELLth… Nature’s Infinite WELLth.
Love, Momma K… aka Kim ❤