On My Father Figures

It is Father’s Day here in Canada today.  I wanted to share my perspectives of this day and ‘the father’ in light of my experiences… to share the uniqueness and the Divine gifts, not just to honour my own father figures; also to help others see the blessings in what may appear as lack.  It’s taken a great deal of remaining open, surrendering, listening, trusting, and allowing for healing, to bring me to where I am thus far.   It’s about the journey, not the destination.

Something that helped me a great deal in understanding and broadening my perspective was a video that came to my attention, of a workshop given by Gregg Braden called ‘The Seven Essene Mirrors of Relationship’. Because of my past life connection with the Essenes it caught my attention.  I have shared it often on my FB page.  I just watched a much shorter version… an outline, without all the great stories Gregg shares as examples, through his experiences.  It is the Fifth what I like to call Essential Mirror… as I see many more… that connects with what I am sharing here. I am quoting as best I can from this video… https://youtu.be/rcFCgJmIFow. @ 7:25

“The fifth pattern of relationship; the fifth Essene Mirror; for me is perhaps the single most powerful.  I believe it allows us to see more and to a greater level why we’ve lived the kinds of lives we’ve lived; perhaps more than any other.  It is the mirror that our parents show to us through the course of our lives and the time we spend with them.  Through this mirror we are asked to allow for the possibility; to entertain the possibility that perhaps the actions of our parents toward us are mirroring our beliefs and our expectations of what may be the most Sacred relationship we will ever know in our lifetimes; and that is the relationship between us and our heavenly Mother and Father or the male/masculine and female/feminine aspect of our Creator; however that’s viewed….”

This really helped me put a great deal into perspective.  So many of us feel deprived, lacking from having the parents we think, believe we would like to have had and we end up carrying these wounds like baggage, dead weight. I am so grateful to see with a much wider lens now, and to the 7th Essential Mirror, that All is Perfect… my favourite… All necessary and integral parts of Life, Living, growing, evolving, awakening…  in just Being.   I have had a great deal of healing, alchemizing the energy with this. It’s All Love.

 
A bit of my story in relation…


I and my brother and sister lived with my parents till I was 8, when they separated.  My dad worked hard all week and felt it a right, something he deserved, to party on the weekends.  For the most part my sister and I spent this time at our grandmothers, her with our paternal, and me my maternal… we have different mothers.  For the most part I feel my childhood to this point was good, not knowing a lot of what happened behind closed doors or when we weren’t there… Oblivious.  I recently had some challenges with memories rising from a cellular level, and hearing stories, secrets, from the past, that I have allowed a great deal of healing, with help from many reSources.

When my parents split my mom and us three kids, ages 5, 8 and 11, went to stay, live, with my maternal grandparents.  Long story short, two women, already having had a challenging relationship that I wasn’t aware of till older, could not live together under the same roof.  My mom moved out and we stayed, for some stability I’m sure.  My grandmother was a teacher, teaching out of town.  My grandfather had had a stroke and was able to take care of the basics for himself and that’s all, other than to try to tell us things… His speech was affected and he would get frustrated.  
We were made aware during this time that my dad was not overly supportive financially, providing as little as he could get away with, having a good lawyer.  We also stopped spending time with him at a certain point when it just didn’t feel good, stuck with engaging with the children of his partner in a lifestyle I certainly did not feel comfortable in, while they partied upstairs likely.   I have a few fond memories collectively.   After this it came down to seeing him at Christmas and birthdays for a short time.  I carried a great deal of resentment.  In my healing journey I realized it wasn’t serving me or anyone else.   Energy emanates.   I have been allowing a great deal of healing with this relationship.  We have come far.  I see with different eyes, more wholly, from my heart, spirit, soul, body.  As I see it now, at least from a more third dimensional perspective, the woman and children who I felt kept my father from me… in part as it was also his response ability, his power… did not have what I had, needing him more than I did.   This, of course, doesn’t speak to how my siblings felt, at all. Two other very  different journeys and perspectives to which I cannot speak to.  I understand it was All perfect, as it was meant to, needed to Be.

My mom had a partner during this time, someone I’d known all my life, as he’d been a neighbour and a best friend’s father… another story, another time. There have been great memories along with challenges and disappointments. I see the gifts in all of it now, the balance.  Hindsight can be 20/20 or far better.  This man gave me the gift of what self esteem I did have then.  There were many challenges that developed over trust.  I let that go when my mom passed.  Forgiveness is so freeing.  People do change… Even if they don’t it’s not worth holding onto… forgiving still and moving on… being able to accept it, possibly seeing see the purpose, the fertilizer for our growth.


So I’ve had several father figures in my life.  We are conditioned to be attached to what and how we think things are supposed to be.  We lose sight of the beauty and the gifts.  I’ve never been denied my most essential needs and have received a great deal from and through these relationships, all unique.  All necessary for Me and my personal journey. In relation to what Gregg shares, I see how it plays in my understanding the connection I feel with My Source, in many ways.  Growing up I believed that God was somewhere else, a male figure sitting on a throne somewhere in the sky watching over us and deciding if we were worthy or not to enter the gates of heaven when we die.  And there was a hell we’d go to if we sinned, if we didn’t seek forgiveness from’God’. I’ve always carried this deep faith within me though, that I can’t explain, a knowing, that has kept me going.  I understand, am realizing it more and more, as I grow.


Through this awakening I have realized that my grandmother was essentially both mother and father for the majority of my youth.  This speaks volumes to me now, with what I’ve come to understand.  She was essentially the bread winner, my mother helping as much as she could, as well as coming home from work and feeding us, clothing us, providing us with a beautiful home with many amenities; also pushing us to meet certain ‘ideal’ standards as she perceived.  She could not Be everything, as a human Being.  Being Emotionally nurturing was not her strong suit. I never felt good enough… Hello… this so goes to our conditioned beliefs of ‘Father-God’.  I think back now at how asleep I was to All that she gave of herself and how little I appreciated it, how little I realized… How much more I could have supported her if I’d understood… As well my mom, when I moved in with her for my last few teen years or so.  This, I realize now is my connection to ‘God-Mother’ as well… in understanding and feeling a Divine calling to support our Divine Nature… As a Whole/Holy entity… Within, out, above, below…. So not divided by gender, lower or higher, dark and light.  All is equal And unique, And perfect, And Divine. We don’t need fixed. We don’t need to try to Be, anything… to be accepted, loved and appreciated by our ‘Parent’.  It is quite Apparent to me now.  We are All One and one…  All integral parts of Nature… My true Source…  Naturally.  GreatFully ❤
Blessings

Kim ❤

https://youtu.be/rcFCgJmIFow

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