I celebrated a birthday last weekend, my 53rd. I embrace each and every milestone, moment, in my life. Having had many people, family, exit my life through physical death at an early age, it just doesn’t make sense to me not to appreciate it all. It doesn’t mean I have to feel old… that’s my choice. If anything I feel younger than I ever have, although I’ve had a few setbacks recently. I still feel better overall… Mind, Body, Heart and Soul.
I have felt a great deal of progress this past week or so… starting with the release of some baggage I’ve been carrying for the last 3 years. Four years ago I chose to fund my youngest son’s tattoo business. I did so with blind faith, seeing his talent and drive, having taught himself… not doing the research, the due diligence… taking what he said, thought, at face value. He did not have an established clientele. He didn’t feel he wanted to work for anyone else in the area… which I could appreciate to some degree. I didn’t push him to take the free course in running a small business. We jumped in like fools. I felt it was a good investment, and it was… just not the way I imagined. :p It ended up monetarily costing 4 times what we expected after almost a year, with no time in sight as to when it would begin paying for itself. I, with other circumstances as a factor, including ending my marriage, had to pull the plug. We both learned a great deal in the process. No regrets. In fact it was his landlord that we had challenges with that I would converse with via email, that said I had a way with words. 🙂
My challenge… I have been holding on to what I have felt he owes me for these last three years. It’s been a slow, steady process of releasing, alchemizing… shifting my perspective. I’ve moved forward and then back again… like the spiral, making a little headway each time. I let go to a greater degree the idea of him paying me back with money, definitely not for some time. I could not let go of the idea I should get ‘free’ tattoos… like a body’s worth, lol. I have understood my abundance at a certain level. It has developed over time as things do when allowed to naturally. It was a few weeks ago, when he was feeling challenged with cancellations and no shows… which, by the way, is just rude… that a spark lit. It was time <3. I needed to continue to show my support. I had been holding onto something I knew was keeping me from owning my true abundance, and his too. I know some might say ‘well he should give you ‘free’ tattoos’. The thing is he does not understand his abundance. I do. I Am. I am the one who must take response ability and put my money where my mouth is and own it… Be the change I wish to see. After getting the tattoo I said to him I would, of course, love and appreciate if he could ever pay me back and he said he would too, and then I said and fully realized I wouldn’t need it though, because I know I won’t. I trust this knowing so much. This alone was the turning point. I have alchemized this experience. I have now seen, felt, the magic, the pot of gold in the rainbow of this experience. What a perfect birthday gift to myself. Perfect too, with my love of numbers, numerology, as 53 adds to 8… The number for infinite abundance… Also 5 is change, action and 3 is my birth/life path number.
This one tattoo is something I’ve been wanting for awhile in some form. I had the inspiration that just wasn’t going to work, so I compromised, and I love it. I was starting the love cry when I got to look at it. My son is not crazy about showing emotion, lol. He said I was going LA Ink on him, haha. It has a great deal of meaning to me… a dove… peace… how perfect really for this moment. There are many more meanings that I have seen since wanting this. One was receiving my spirit name last year after being told I just had to ask, doing so while playing my drum on a New Moon (which we also had this last week)… Whispering White Dove.
This is now my second tattoo. I have a small one on the inner part of my right wrist, my son did shortly after opening his business. It’s an infinity symbol of sorts… neither of us likes cookie cutter. It too was significant after the heart attack I’d had the Fall before, where the angiogram catheter was inserted. I plan on more. It is definitely addictive. It may become an annual birthday thing… if I can wait that long, lol. It definitely won’t be till Fall as I love the sun and I don’t want to stay out of it for two weeks, which is advised.
My son is now working at a studio for someone I also wish to support. Not the case with his last place of employment. He did end up working for others after all. It was necessary. He saw the challenges with having your own business and learned he didn’t want this. He has received the experiences he’s needed thus far, as we all have and continue to… learning and growing more so from the challenges. It is a song, a story, that never ends.
I have had to learn a great deal about overdoing, over giving without some kind of energy exchange, with those who really don’t understand their abundance, their power, grasping and taking from others. I know it well, as I have been this to some degree. I still have my moments. I am learning to discern and set boundaries. The person being given to, enabled, is not helped in the long term.
I am so glad to be over this hump, to release this. It really has been a weight I’ve been carrying. I do feel lighter. I don’t carry regrets anymore either. I believe that all is in Divine time, all happens when it’s meant to. There is method in the proverbial Cosmic Universal madness. Everything is a necessary step in my growing up… Always growing… infinitely. The only limits are those outside my perception, my imagination… And when I dream, I dream Big.
Blessings of Nature’s Infinite WELLth