On Showing Up

I’ve been pondering this for several weeks now. It seems prevalent in my life lately…a message. I am realizing that many people say one thing and do something entirely different, in various ways, whether it be that they’ll be somewhere, or that they have certain skills or qualities, that, on further inspection, are exaggerated. One of my favourite authors, Tosha Silver, says “…in this time few people’s words will match their actions. Or rather, people will lie, a lot. To each other, and often, to themselves.” Also from the same chapter, in the book, ‘Outrageous Openness’; “In a room where people unanimously maintain a conspiracy of silence one word of truth sounds like a pistol shot.” (Czeslaw Milosz).
I have always felt myself to be an honest person, particularly with myself. I have always been my worst critic. I have the ability to see myself and the parts I feel need improved, for the most part.
My honesty outwards has not always been as forthright, as I haven’t wanted to hurt others’ feelings. But what good does this really do? How does holding back truly help anyone? It just feeds the illusion. I am finding, more and more, that I have to be honest. This doesn’t have to be a negative, hurtful thing. It can be done with tact and grace; but if it is something that needs healing, and the person isn’t ready to hear it, they will be triggered, no matter how much love is put into it.
I have been told recently that I ‘show up’. If I say I’m going to be somewhere or do something, I am and I do, unless something happens that I can’t, and I say so. And I have played down my skills, which is a whole other topic.
I do recall times, in the past, where I didn’t feel I showed up to the best of my ability. This was likely my lack of self-esteem, and/or because it was not fulfilling to me.  I was not being honest with myself, not even realizing what it was that kept me from showing up.
So I’ve wondered…usually people are mirrors in our lives. But perhaps these are tests instead, for where I am now. I have been doing a lot of work, going deep, working with a healer, to heal myself. I have been learning, for the first time in my 50+ years, to finally stand on my own two feet, and to also stand up for myself. I have had to get tough and not allow this energy in my life. It has meant backing off of, or ending relationships. I have had to be selfish. It’s either that, or get walked all over.
I realize people not only aren’t showing up for others. They aren’t showing up for themselves. We can’t be anything for anyone else, if we can’t be it for ourselves, even. We have to be honest with ourselves, first. If we aren’t willing to see it, how can we change it, or heal it? This takes courage though. Too many of us are not willing to really SEE ourselves, for fear of what may be exposed….all our dirty little secrets. Guess what though, we all have them. They aren’t all identical….every combination is unique, as we are. What they are, though, is special; what makes us unique, but also human. I think what it is is fear, that we won’t be loved and accepted if people know who we truly are….that we aren’t perfect. We’re not prepared to be vulnerable, to open our heart, for fear it gets broken. By doing so, we are breaking it, over and over again.
I have been in this place, and I am so grateful to find myself on the other side, more and more each day. I hope you can find your way too. Love yourself; feed yourself, your body, mind, heart and soul, the nourishment it craves. Show up for YOURSELF! You are worth it! Please believe it. ~ ❤

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3 thoughts on “On Showing Up

  1. Yes! I appreciate this! I think it sometimes feels easier to pretend… but always the truth finds a way out. I am so glad you are standing up for you and thank you for standing up for me too!!! ❤ ❤ ❤ I love watching you step into your Goddess self 🙂

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