I came across some writing I’d done on some scrap paper as I’ve been sorting and purging my past…had to share. It’s funny…I was 17…there’s parts that crack me up. I did not realize how wise I was…some of it still rings true. ❤ Enjoy 🙂
Being a teenager is tough…for that matter so is being a person. Why is it you always feel you have to please everybody else? You spend your whole life trying to please your friends and family, when the only person you should have to please is yourself. You're the one you have to live with for the rest of your life. I get so tired of trying to make everyone else happy. The harder I try it seems the more upset everyone is with me. I don't want to hurt anyone. I just want to be happy. I want to be able to do things the way I want them done and because I want to do them, not because someone else wants me to. Sometimes I wish I could just crawl into a corner where no one can find me. They can't expect things from someone they can't find.
People are so stupid. No one today can be satisfied with just love. They want power and all kinds of expensive stuff around to make them feel important. Can't they realize that if they have someone to love, and to share good times with the bad, that is all that matters.
No one can make you do anything. You're only going to do something the way it should be done if it's what you want to do. Why force people to do things. If you trusted in them enough and knew them well enough you'd know that they want to do things for you.. You just have to give them time.
I wish I had somewhere to go, but where? No one really understands me. No one really understands anyone. So what's life all about? I'm sure that by the time my life is over I sill won't know. Why do so many people keep trying so hard to find out? Why can't we just make the most out of life instead of searching for answers all the time? Why are people never satisfied with what they've got? Why do people have to hurt so many other people to get where they want to be? When they do finally get there it's not enough. They only want more. Why is it that it's so easy to write this and I can't think of a thing to write for my essay. I think that if I didn't have to write it it would be so easy. If I just had time. If only we could get more quality out of life rather than quantity. Everyone is always rushing here and there trying to get things done and over with. By the time it is you haven’t really accomplished anything. Everything is just one big rush job. Life is a rush job. No one learns to sit down and relax and just enjoy life and what we have. Everyone’s just after more. More of what? If you don’t have time to enjoy it why bother going after it. It seems like a waste of time and energy if you ask me. But then who would ask me.? I’m nobody. My name doesn’t ring anybody’s bells. Everybody uses everyone else…why can’t people leave others alone? Sometimes we don’t want help. They’re around when you don’t need them, never when you do.
I’m always afraid that if I’m not around I’ll miss something.
I wish people would just leave me alone (I think I already said that). They ask me why I did or didn’t do something. It’s probably because it didn’t even enter my mind or I thought about it too much. No one could understand that, so I don’t say that. I just say “I don’t know” or ‘I didn’t feel like it’. They never understand. They never will.
I’m going to be an adult soon. They’re going to expect even more from me then they do now. I can’t give them what they want now. How am I ever going to survive then. Sometime’s I want to die, but, like I said before, I don’t want to miss anything. There are some good times you know. Sometimes I’m very happy. There’s always both good and bad for everything…it balances that way. I don’t want to die because I’m afraid of how my friends and family would react. I think it would kill them. Others I would like to get back at. I shouldn’t have written all this, but I certainly couldn’t tell anyone all this. I had to get it out somehow. I feel so alone. I think society stinks. Our school system stinks. I wonder if it will ever get better. I wish I was two again, where I didn’t have a care in the world. Those were the ‘good old days’.
How’s that for a philosophy on life? I couldn’t have done better myself. I have a lot more thoughts, I think, but I just don’t have time to write them all.
I am 50 now and have had a pretty spectacular life, with it’s ups and downs, and I’m just beginning. I have changed so much, to be able to see so much beauty in my life, and yes time, to enjoy, and to share whatever I’m guided to share. Most of all I feel love/loved and understand that I am never alone.
I am blessed beyond measure and I probably feel younger than I did when I was 17. Each new day is a blessing and an opportunity to begin living. Namaste